sunrays and saturdays

Damn it, I contracted a cold from someone here in New Orleans. Conferences and Bourbon Street are like grade school or something. So many people are invading your personal space that everyone gets to share all the germs. Ugh.

My shuttle is picking me up at 6:20 tomorrow morning (for a 9:15 flight! WTF!), which is unfortunately before breakfast starts. I'm not even going to bother showering. It's too damn early in the morning to do anything. Besides, with no weather delays I should be home by 1pm or so. I can shower then. The weather could get interesting, though, so hopefully my bags and I make it to OKC in a reasonable amount of time (I only have a 40 minute layover in Houston...eek).

I'm thinking a nap is a good idea all of a sudden. God I hate being sick.

I still feel like shit. Boo. I'm also feeling like a horrible slacker because I'm not doing anything that should be getting done. I want to drive in to Norman tomorrow and work on my research a little more, but I'm coughing and hacking up various colors of sticky fluid and really have no business being around other human beings in a professional setting. Hopefully after a hot shower and a dose of decongestant I'll feel well enough to go in, but we'll see when tomorrow comes.

Did I mention that I'm getting my wisdom teeth pulled Monday? Now that will be exciting. If I want to get anywhere with my work then I really need to get it done this week, because I guarantee that no matter how crappy I feel right now, I will feel so much worse after my teeth get pulled. Then I'm off to the annal AMS conference in San Antonio the next week after that barring a horrible complication with the tooth extractions, and then break is over. How sad.

God damn sushi. I really fucking needed a full night's sleep, but I couldn't have had more than 5 hours. My stomach felt so nauseated that I couldn't even try to nod off. I thought that maybe it was upset due to not eating enough for dinner (some vanilla pudding and half a glass of apple juice) so I tried to eat an apple at like 2am. It only stayed down for about 30 minutes before I had to run to the bathroom and puke it up. I felt 100% better afterward, so I wandered back into the kitchen and nibbled on a few slices of bread before stumbling back to bed. I tossed and turned for awhile longer and had just BARELY fallen asleep when my sister called from Japan at around 4am. I knew she was going to call, but I couldn't help but be really fucking irritated. The nausea was back, too, so I was only in bed for about ten minutes before I sprinted back to the toilet to puke up the bread and water. At that point I just said fuck it to eating anything and went back to bed. I finally fell asleep after that, but the damn cat woke me up at like 8:30 wanting breakfast.

I still feel a little nauseated, but my lunch seems to be settling the rumbling nicely. I may take a few pepto caplets as a preventative measure to keep the food down. I think I feel ok enough now to walk to campus and get some work done.

Something has been wrong with me for the last month or so. I can't seem to concentrate on anything for more than a minute or so at a time, and even when I get my head together enough to do it, it almost seems like an artificial concentration of sorts. By artificial I mean that it feels like I'm forcing my brain to focus, but it doesn't seem to store anything even when I try, like there's some kind of wall blocking me from learning or remembering anything. The rest of the time it feels like my head is swimming around in some kind of fog where I have no bearing whatsoever on what is going on around me or what I'm supposed to be doing. I stare off into space for ungodly amounts of time and find myself not thinking about a single, god damned thing. For example, I went in to talk to Flory about the 311 final and to pick up my last lab. He has this binary electronic clock on a shelf in his office, and I asked him about it. I remember him explaining what the first couple of lights meant, but about the time he started explaining how to read the minutes, it just felt like my brain shut off. All that was left of me was a blank stare. When he was explaining how the grade distribution looked, I started to do it again. Jeremy's been getting on to me lately for not listening to him, too. For instance I'll ask him a question about whatever we're talking about, and he'll just give me this ridiculous look and tell me that he just said that like five minutes ago.

It's kind of an on and off thing, though. Some days I feel like I'm running at 100%. I understand everything we do in class, ask good questions, and even point out calculation mistakes on the board. I feel like myself on those days, and it's a good feeling. The rest of the time I just feel like slapping myself across the face in some attempt to wake me up.

Yes, I know I have a lot on my mind at the moment with the personal things going on, but I've dealt with worse before and have been fine. I've also been getting decent sleep. Not great sleep, but between 6 and 10 hours every night, which is enough for me to function on. I also realize it's the end of the semester, and considering the shitty schedule I had this Fall, I wouldn't be surprised if I'm getting a little burned out on classes and schoolwork.

I just hope Christmas break will serve as the vacation it should be and allow me to regroup at some capacity. Next semester is going to be crazy as fuck, too, and I need the time off before it starts.

Today is not my day. First of all, I've caught a bug from someone, so I'm achy, sniffly, sneezy, sore, and coughing. I took some Tavist this morning to hopefully clear it up a bit, but it hasn't totally worked yet.

Second of all, I only got about two hours of real sleep last night because of the fact that I'm sick. I tossed and turned until damn near 5 am before I finally was able to doze off.

Third, the little sleep that I did get forced my body position to be in such a way that I've totally thrown my neck out of alignment again. It hurts so bad, and every time I sneeze, cough, or do anything that involves by neck bones in some way, I feel sharp twinges of pain. I may just have to say fuck it and go to a quackpractor, because I'm really getting tired of this shit happening.

Fourth, since my neck hurt every time I took a damn step on my way to class, I decided it would be better to take the bus. As per usual, I missed the bus I wanted, but I noticed that a Campus route bus was coming up behind it. I got to the stop well before it did, so I was thrilled that I actually caught a bus instead of having to walk. Well, the driver didn't even look to the stop to see if there was anyone there and drove right on by. I was so pissed that I yelled FUCK YOU to the driver as he went by, and a girl on her way to class heard me and laughed. Yeah, go ahead and laugh bitch. Luckily, another Campus bus pulled up by the time I got to State Gym, so I was able to get on it. I probably would have been late to class if I had to walk considering how slow I was going.

I just want to go home, put a heat pad on my neck, have a steaming cup of hot tea, and zone out for a few hours (or a lot of hours), but I have to put in two hours of work and go to one more class before I can do that. Thankfully my 11 am class has been cancelled, so I can work early and be home by 1. I also have to do laundry today. Bah.

After practically living off caffeine yesterday, I feel like I'm crashing today without it. I'm tired, I feel weak, and I'm hungry. I have three Nutri-Grain bars with me for my lunch, but after hardly eating a thing yesterday and having a little bit of canned pineapple for breakfast, I don't think it will be enough. I suppose I could put some money on my Cy-Cash and either get something out of the vending machine or make a quick run to the MU when no one's looking.

I'm also feeling a little bit sleep deprived, although it could be worse. I got about five hours of good sleep the night before yesterday (which didn't improve my mood much), and about seven and half hours last night. After the day I had yesterday and lack of good sleep the night before, seven and half hours just wasn't enough to recharge my batteries. All I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep right now, but I haven't even been at work for an hour yet.

Woe is me.

This is not going to be a good day, I can tell already. I was running very late this morning. I missed the green route bus, so I figured I could walk fast and make it on time. I thought my luck had changed when a campus bus pulled up right next to me as I was walking by State Gym, so I got on it. For some fucked up reason, this bus didn't go up to Gilman and Physics and the normal route I'm used to it taking. Oh no, it went down past Friley and the Memorial Union instead. It was stopped at the MU, and I had to be at Kildee in something like four minutes. Grrreeeaat. That's across campus for the non-ISU people reading this. I figured that I'd make it faster if I just got off and walked as opposed to riding the bus all the way around, so that's what I did. I did end up making it...barely. I'm not even remotely interested in what we're talking about in my meteorology class, so it was nearly impossible for me to concentrate. Then I skipped my geology 102 class so that I could register for classes. The way my luck's going today, they probably had a quiz. Go figure.

Now I feel like total shit all of a sudden. My sinuses are killing me, and I can't seem to keep my eyes open because it hurts less when they're shut. I have to fight the urge to lay my head down on the desk, because within seconds I feel myself drifting off to sleep. I can't sleep at work. So here I am, sitting here in a daze because doing my work makes my head hurt more. I'm also freezing. It's always so cold in this office.

An hour and a half to go before my geology 324 exam. Yippee. Haven't studied a bit.

Thank God it's Friday.

Blarg. Yes, the hair looks good, but why the fuck did I have to schedule the appointment for 8am this morning? I feel like the living dead.

must.........have.......cooooooofffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....

It's official. I am allergic to something on Christmas trees. For the past 5-6 years, everytime we got a real tree, I came down with the worst fucking cold imaginable just a day or two later. One of those years, I ended up getting Walking Pneumonia. This year, we don't have a tree, but Nettie (the roommate...forestry major) brought home some tree branches to decorate the house with last weekend. I have not been sick in over a year until this morning, and it's a doozy. Today is the worst possible day to feel sick enough to die, too...and finals are next week. Something tells me this bug won't go away until after Christmas, so I'm screwed.

I'm coughing so hard that I'm getting dry heaves, and I run a fever and get hazy when I concentrate too hard (I know that sounds like something a hypochondriac would say, but it's true). Yeah, finals will be great fun...

Well, it happened. My Grandpa McDonald passed away today. My mom just called me and told me. She also told me that the funeral would probably be Wednesday or Thursday, so there's no way at all I can go. I've used up every one of my chances as far as missing things for honors goes, and if I miss one more thing, I can't be a leader for the freshmen anymore. I just can't do it. My Grandma Smith said that she would understand if Jennifer and I couldn't make it because of school, but I can't help feeling incredibly guilty that I was able to go home when Grandpa Moser was sick, but I can't do this.

I was ready for this to come, but it still hurts. Looks like my crying's not done yet today.