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[miraje]

If I were the God/dess of Cooking, these would be commandments:

1. Thou shalt ONLY use 2% milk in macaroni and cheese. If I catch thee using skim milk, I shall banish thee to the pit of despair where tofu and sardines are the only foods thee can eat.
2. Thou shalt never eat a cantaloupe, for it is poison.
3. Thou shalt remove batteries from all smoke detectors before commencing the ritual of cooking.
4. Thou shalt always have a dishwasher!
5. Thou shalt drain fat from all fried meat. If thee fails to abide by this rule, I shall banish thee to the pit of saturated fat where thee will drink nothing but bacon grease.
6. Thou shalt never EVER dip french fries in anything other than ketchup. This includes the following: BBQ sauce, ranch dressing, honey mustard, sweet and sour sauce, steak sauce, mayonnaise, and most importantly...CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKES.
7. Thou shalt never EVER add bacon to devilled eggs. The pigs will thank thee.
8. Thou shalt never EVER put oysters in Thanksgiving stuffing. If I catch thee eating it, I will strike thee down by making thee choke on a pearl.
9. Thou shalt always have celery, hardboiled eggs, and sweet relish in thy tuna salad. It's tuna SALAD, not tuna sauce.
10. Thou shalt always put steak sauce on thy mashed potatoes. Bonus points on getting into heaven if it's Heinz 57.

Comments

[miraje.livejournal.com]

I get an instant gag reflex even when I smell a cantaloupe, so it's yuck. I don't know if I have a repressed cantaloupe in my brain somewhere, or what. I just can't eat them or be around them.