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Mar. 18th, 2003 03:18 pmI miss being happy and being myself. My brain is filled to capacity with worries over so many different things, and I don't have any space left to stop and enjoy being alive like I used to. Normally, I am really excited when we get thunderstorms. When the first ones of the year came last night, I think it's sufficive to say that I was little more than mildly amused. Normally, I'm totally thrilled when my birthday comes around. Not this year. I think it's just going to be another Friday, except I got a cake.
The worst part of all this is that most of my concern and worry is centered around money. I've NEVER been this preoccupied with it until now. If this is all there is to living as an adult, I don't know if I have the energy to live the rest of my life this way. I hate being poor, and I hate being in debt to others. My main purpose of going to school was to gain a lifestyle in which I didn't have to live paycheck to paycheck. I don't want to be a millionaire or anything, but being in debt the rest of my life is NOT a fucking option. I refuse to live like my parents did my whole life. God I hate this...it's dragging me down BADLY.
The worst part of all this is that most of my concern and worry is centered around money. I've NEVER been this preoccupied with it until now. If this is all there is to living as an adult, I don't know if I have the energy to live the rest of my life this way. I hate being poor, and I hate being in debt to others. My main purpose of going to school was to gain a lifestyle in which I didn't have to live paycheck to paycheck. I don't want to be a millionaire or anything, but being in debt the rest of my life is NOT a fucking option. I refuse to live like my parents did my whole life. God I hate this...it's dragging me down BADLY.