miraje | (no subject)

Something has been wrong with me for the last month or so. I can't seem to concentrate on anything for more than a minute or so at a time, and even when I get my head together enough to do it, it almost seems like an artificial concentration of sorts. By artificial I mean that it feels like I'm forcing my brain to focus, but it doesn't seem to store anything even when I try, like there's some kind of wall blocking me from learning or remembering anything. The rest of the time it feels like my head is swimming around in some kind of fog where I have no bearing whatsoever on what is going on around me or what I'm supposed to be doing. I stare off into space for ungodly amounts of time and find myself not thinking about a single, god damned thing. For example, I went in to talk to Flory about the 311 final and to pick up my last lab. He has this binary electronic clock on a shelf in his office, and I asked him about it. I remember him explaining what the first couple of lights meant, but about the time he started explaining how to read the minutes, it just felt like my brain shut off. All that was left of me was a blank stare. When he was explaining how the grade distribution looked, I started to do it again. Jeremy's been getting on to me lately for not listening to him, too. For instance I'll ask him a question about whatever we're talking about, and he'll just give me this ridiculous look and tell me that he just said that like five minutes ago.

It's kind of an on and off thing, though. Some days I feel like I'm running at 100%. I understand everything we do in class, ask good questions, and even point out calculation mistakes on the board. I feel like myself on those days, and it's a good feeling. The rest of the time I just feel like slapping myself across the face in some attempt to wake me up.

Yes, I know I have a lot on my mind at the moment with the personal things going on, but I've dealt with worse before and have been fine. I've also been getting decent sleep. Not great sleep, but between 6 and 10 hours every night, which is enough for me to function on. I also realize it's the end of the semester, and considering the shitty schedule I had this Fall, I wouldn't be surprised if I'm getting a little burned out on classes and schoolwork.

I just hope Christmas break will serve as the vacation it should be and allow me to regroup at some capacity. Next semester is going to be crazy as fuck, too, and I need the time off before it starts.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Stress can do this. Make sure you take time to relax and meditate, if you do that sort of thing. ;o)

Party at Ash's over break... 23rd?

My grandparents might be visiting that day, but I'll definitely be there if not.

we may be changing it actually, to after christmas. I dunno, it'll be impossible to actually get everybody together at one time.

i'll letcha know.

i know how you feel. i do that quite often. i try to listen in class but my mind goes some where else. or when i try to go to bed my mind turns on again, then i can't sleep cuz i'm thinking about so many damned things! agh. vicious cycle.

xmas break will make everything better.

Just take this break to relax. God knows I'm not doing anything. I used to have that problem too...sometimes still do. I started taking some multivitamins everyday and some ginsing (one of those energy herbs or something of that sort) in the mornings that I have to work. I used to space out ALL the time...but I think most of it was due to lack of sleep, eating bad food, and stress.

I called that "Final Week ADD", which, I discovered, is not something that happens only during finals. It is a condition that starts on Monday of Finals week and ends with the first beer after the last final. Your brain is overworking and stressed. I was like that the month before the election. Dave would get frustrated at me for cutting into his conversations with something totally unrelated, but I felt that if I didn't tell him when I thought about it, I would forget it.

It will get better. Good luck with the finals!

Ends with the first beer after the last final....

Heather, are you listening to this?
This is a proven fact, I swear.
Bueno. Mucho, mucho bueno.

Would Smirnoff work as a substitute? I've never been a beer fan.

Yes, Smirnoff works well. Although, I did discover that if you put a shot of schnapps (Raspberry I found was best) it helps even more. My friend brought that trick back from England.

new journal, same berry flavor...

(in case you wondered where I had gone to...)