Some traits of my worst hotel experience ever:
1. I found a pubic hair in my sheets on the first night.
2. The bedding smelled funky. I don't even know how to describe it, but it was not a fresh or clean smell.
3. There were stains all over the carpet.
4. I had an excellent signal with the wireless internet's router, but the internet didn't work the entire time I was there. The front desk person either didn't care enough to fix it or was too computer retarded to know what I was talking about. I'm going for the latter, but it could have been both.
5. There was a half inch gap between my room's door and the door frame. I'm not even exaggerating. I went outside on the first night to call Jeremy since my cell phone signal SUCKED, and I saw light coming through the side of the door. I looked into the hole from outside and could see the entire room all the way back to the bathroom. WTF. People could watch EVERYTHING I did in there, and the gap was large enough that pretty much any flying insect could get in. Fantastic. I stuck a towel in the door while I was in there, but it wasn't long enough to cover the whole gap.
6. There was a huge wad of soapy hair clogging the bathtub drain, and when I took a shower the tub filled up with the water that the clog was blocking. Gross.
7. There must have been a stain in the bottom of the bathtub at one time, because the owners had the brilliance to PAINT the bottom third of the tub with bluish gray paint. It looked awful. It was uneven, there were stains in the paint itself, and the paint was chipping off in places. I actually wore shoes in the shower, but with the water backing up from the clog it didn't do much good.
8. There was no skirt around the bottom of the bed, so I could see the box spring under the mattress. Normally this would be no big deal, but it was full of stains and rips and holes. Very attractive.
9. The air conditioning unit was so loud that it woke me up every time it came on. That happened about six or seven times over the course of the first night. At least it worked...
10. The lobby that was supposed to have coffee 24 hours a day didn't even have coffee in the morning when I dragged my half asleep ass downstairs to find it. They only made it after I asked for it. There was no continental breakfast btw.
11. The hot tub had about six inches of murky, mosquito-breeding water in it, and for some stupid reason there were hundreds of rocks in it from the gravel driveway nearby. It was a nice hot tub, too, and it looked fairly new. What a waste of money.
12. The owners walked around the front lobby and other public areas in their pajamas.
13. This is not a complaint on the hotel itself, but when I was walking to my room on the second night there was a fat, disgusting fuckwad sitting on the balcony checking me out as I walked by. He called out to me with a white trash southern accent and said, "You know, you should just walk around in a bikini top." When I gave him a pissed off look he called me a "sourpuss." Yeah...that's EXACTLY who I want staying a few doors down from me when the entire outside world can see me changing clothes in the "privacy" of my hotel room. When I was loading up my car to leave the next morning there was some kind of dried up splash mark on my passenger side window. I didn't see it happen, but I wouldn't be surprised if one of those drunk fucks pissed on my car.
I'm never staying there again. What a waste of 76 dollars. Just so you don't take this out of context, you should know that I hardly EVER complain about things like restaurants and hotel rooms. If only one or two of those problems existed while everything else was fine, I wouldn't have said a word. The sum of all of it is what pisses me off. It's just blatant neglect on the part of the owners, and it's substandard no matter where you are (even if it is middle-of-nowhere Kansas).